Homework Due 24 January 2016

This week we talked about anger.  

The manual has several excellent ideas for handling anger in Chapter 4.   The key ideas are 1) Diffuse anger provoking thoughts, 2) Get out of anger provoking situations, 3) Identify and engage in calming activities, 4) Share underlying feelings, 5) Seek spiritual change.  

All of these are useful tools and can be engaged as needed.  It is important however to be wary of relying too heavily on just one of these tools.  For example, if we always duck out of situations where anger is rising, we miss opportunities to learn about and heal the feelings that underlie anger.  We may also lose the gift of humility that comes from learning to rely on the Spirit for change.  

At the end of class today we spoke briefly about the likelihood that there are often tender feelings at play when strong emotions like anger or hurt emerge.  As we learn to recognize these feelings we are better equipped to connect more fully with ourselves and with our partners.  

Imagine what would happen if you were able to say, "I am feeling vulnerable right now" instead of, "you don't love me and I'm sick of your behavior."  We will be exploring this in the coming weeks.

Some examples of these tender feelings include: vulnerability, fear of rejection/not being good enough, feelings of worthlessness (this might be shame and it takes many forms), disappointment, sadness...what tender feelings are you protecting?

Keep in mind the class theme of seeking to understand instead of trying to be understood.  Are you listening?

The homework is:

• Consider the Venn diagrams that Todd shared today.  Todd asked how we want to intersect with our partners.  This is the conversation we need to have with each other this week: how much do  we want to intersect on issues such as finances, intimacy, parenting, recreation, socializing... 
• Use the Anger Log and the Anger Cycle worksheet to more fully explore your anger (or other strong feelings).
• Take some time to think about what tender feelings you might be protecting with stronger and more acceptable emotions.
• Read Chapter 4 if you haven't
• Complete and turn in your assessments if you haven't